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A One Inch Connection

Have you ever wondered why most of your relationships seem so shallow? The conversations cover surface topics like a popular Netflix show, the weather, and what you’re cooking for dinner. Then, you find yourself unsatisfied and hungry for a deeper connection. You wonder if others can even meet your level of expectations of connecting. You’re not alone. Let’s first define what a shallow relationship is and why most people choose to circle around a one inch deep level of connection.

The word shallow means something that is not deep; typically a surface that is only an inch deep. When we describe a person that is shallow, we tend to use words like superficial, silly, or insecure. This type of person typically will not show any evidence of authenticity. They are usually a copy of a trend or someone else. Meaning they are afraid to be their self and will mirror other people to gain attention and affection. It will be challenging to understand who they really are, their beliefs and values, because it can shift randomly based on their audience. Conversations with a shallow person will always be on a surface level. You will not gain any knowledge of how they are truly feeling. They won’t be able to express what they need to you because they don’t understand what they need. A shallow person will look at you as a thrill and a means to an end. You are their go-to person for a good time. You are that person that they invite to dinner because they don’t want to eat alone. It sounds rather rude but most people can only endure a one inch connection with someone.

Why would someone only want to hover around a one inch surface their whole life? There are many reasons why some choose not to be authentic, live a life without meaning, and have unfulfilling relationships. Here are the top five reasons that I found with research that some people choose to have shallow relationships:

  1. Fear of abandonment. They either faced a traumatic experience when they were young with a loved one or they were left by a significant other without any reason.

  2. Fear of vulnerability. Relationships can be scary because you are taking a risk of sharing personal information with this person that could potentially use it against you or leave you.

  3. Fear of rejection. You want to leave them before they leave you mentality. If you don’t share too much information than they can’t hurt you.

  4. Fear of being authentic. You’re afraid to ask questions and get past the surface stuff. They aren’t asking you personal questions so you don’t want to be the one that is different who may need more in the relationship.

  5. Being self-centered. When your focus is only on yourself, you will lead with conversations that only involves you and your life.

If you’re still reading this, you desire for deeper connections with people. You need more to be fulfilled. There is nothing wrong with wanting to connect with people on a deeper level. It’s called being human. If you find yourself in mostly shallow relationships, ask yourself if there’s one or two friends that you can start engaging more with. You will be surprised that some people will share your same desire of connecting and were just waiting for someone else to help build that deeper connection. Also, start looking for connections on a deeper level. When you make that your intention to connect with people on a deeper level, you will start to attract those types of people. They are rare but they are out there.

Let this be a new adventure for you. If you’re not used to connecting with others on a deeper level, it will feel different at first but lean into those feelings, they are completely normal. Your desire to push beyond the surface is very heroic. Your life will start to have more meaning when your relationships can get past a one inch level.