Most people don't realize that they are in a toxic relationship until they leave the relationship completely. They will assume that their relationship was 'normal' because that's all that they knew. They felt safe in this toxic relationship because they've been conditioned to the abuse. They assumed that the resaon that they are being mistreated is because of them. Some people have asked me, when do I leave a toxic relationship? The truth is, you will need to get to the point where it is your final "tick off;" like someone once told me. Moving on from a narcissist is a complex journey. You were conditioned to put your needs and feelings aside to show up for them, so when you get to the place where you can start making your own decisions, it will feel different because you now have the power back. A narcissistic relationship makes you question your sanity, your morals, and your beliefs. Being in a narcissistic relationship will feel like a push and pull dynamic of control from the narcissist. They will love you one minute, sing your praise the next minute, and then tell everyone that you're crazy and mentally ill. This gives the narcissist power to rewrite the narrative, creating them as both the hero and villain of their story. Remember, a narcissist will paint faulty stories to others to make themselves look better.
When you get to the place where you're too tired to keep up with maintaining a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it will hopefully give you the strength to close that door and move on. The narcissist will shame your name, make your friends and family question your behaviors and your sanity. But that's okay, you know the truth. It is possible to break free from a narcissist. It won't be easy and will take some time building your strength back but it will be worth it in the end.