A child who grows up with a narcissistic parent(s) will have an insecure sense of safety. They'll feel like they will get in trouble for simply being themselves. A narcissistic parent will think of their child as an extension of themselves and will use their child as a tool to get what they want. A child will not know how to make their narcissistic parent happy. Narcissists don't have a sense of self, so they mimic who they are with others; making a lot of people like them. They do this on purpose because the only way they know how to get things in life is by manipulation. They form fake connections. Tell others about their child's mistakes and undermine their child's needs. Once a narcissist achieve their goal, they don't want to work so hard anymore in that relationship. This is where the child is left to scramble and figure out what the hell happened. This forms a trauma bond with the narcissistic parent because the narcissist will reject their child and then return to love bombing them again. This cycle of up and down emotions form an addiction to the narcissistic parent, along with confusion, self-doubt, and low self-esteem.
Being raised by a narcissistic parent is emotionally and psychologically abusive that causes long-lasting effects on the child. Most narcissistic parents are charming and liked by most people because it's the narcissist's job to form an external appearance of perfection. In return, their child is deeply wounded and is screaming inside for someone to help them. The narcissistic parent will never recognize the harm that they did on their child. They will assume that their child is "over-reacting" and "making everything about them." The narcissistic parent will play the victim and gather a crowd of people to turn against their child if the child ever tries point out the narcissistic parent's flaws. This is extremely painful for the child to endure because they've lost their sense of security and love from their parent and now has a crowd of people assuming that they are the bad child which I like to call the black sheep.
Behind closed doors, the child of a narcissistic parent will feel lonely, depressed, and isolated. The narcissistic parent will never take accountability for their actions and will blame their child for their wrong doings. This will take years for the child of a narcissistic parent to heal and to grow a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, the child of a narcissistic parent will never be given closure. It's a power play of the narcissistic parent to keep their child hanging on in hope that the parent will change. A narcissist doesn't change for the better. They move on to a new supply of people and will intentionally leave the child guessing. A narcissist would rather impress a stranger than to be loved by their own child. A child of a narcissistic parent will never get a chance to speak their mind to the narcissistic parent. Narcissistic parents aren't interested in healthy conversations or honesty. They don't want to hear how they hurt their child. They know that they hurt their child and they choose not to care! The only closure that a child of a narcissistic parent can count on is years of healing their wounded parts.
Children who grew up with a narcissistic parent may become adults who:
Seek love where it's not available
Isolate themselves when things go wrong
Are always there for others but feel invisible
Blame themselves when people hurt them
Feel deep emptiness and loneliness inside
Are known by many but still feel they have no real friends or deep connections
Remember, that a narcissistic parent will get more abusive with age because aging is the ultimate threat to their grandiose view of themselves. It is important that the child of a narcissistic parent find closure within themselves. The narcissistic parent will continue to deny their child's story because it requires them to be honest about their own story. The child of a narcissistic parent will spend years trying to repair what is broken. Children don't get traumatized because they get hurt, they get traumatized because they're alone with the hurt. If you feel this way, please reach out. I provide evidence-based trauma interventions to my client that come from a narcissistic parent.