When you feel like you’re not enough, you may have subconsciously trained your mind to think that way. When you desire love and affection from someone, you may try to do things that will make them happy. Others will try and do the opposite to get that person’s attention. Either way, both scenarios don't get the desired results so you may feel like you're not good enough, you didn't try enough, you weren't smart enough, you weren’t pretty enough, and the list goes on. Do you see how that negative thought gets planted? You keep trying different ways to gain someone’s love or acceptance but they can’t see that you’re good enough.
Those negative messages can't be undone; they are now being stored subconsciously and will be triggered in similar situations. It is actually easier to take on the pain yourself and blame yourself than to stand in the courage of knowing that the person wasn’t there for you, they didn’t love you, they didn’t want you, they talked bad about you, etc. Its difficult to face the truth of that other person. It can be challenging to own your truth and resolve your own trauma. This is especially challenging for children to accept that their parents are narcissistic or didn’t love them, or spouses who have cheated or left them. There’s a human desire to want closure and to try and “fix” this pain.
It’s human nature to want to be loved. It feels shitty when someone doesn’t desire or love you back. But if you know that you’re enough, than why stay in relationship with someone that doesn’t think you’re enough. This is for any type of relationship including friendships and intimate relationships. I hope you walk in your truth and know that you’re enough.
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